I forget what it feels like to be broken.
To have dreams shattered.
To have hopes crushed.
To have calling questioned.
To not know who I am.
Is it a mental block or something? Do I intentionally just cast aside all the rough times and really not recall when the breaking is coming?
I knew I was in a wierd place but really didn't recognize it as being broken.
In all honesty, the signs were there: Not being able to encounter God like before. Struggling with the simplicity of just reading the bible. Feeling like there is no satisfaction in the places or the things I did before. Not even being able to sing a song of joy to my King, or sing a song at all. Everywhere I've turned lately, I see all my short comings, all my faults, and all of the places where I am just completely inadequate!
Should've seen it coming, shouldn't have resisted, because now I'm feeling it.
One thing I know now though, is because I know I'm right in the middle of the breaking, there is a sweet aroma that is filling the nostrils of my King. I am so thankful that the thing He is most attracted to is brokenness. I'm not going through this alone, not in the least bit. He holds me, He lifts my head, He keeps every piece and will be the One to put everything back in the place it belongs.
Being broken is NEVER an easy thing. Neither is the piecing back together. Thankfully, I'm not the one who has to put it all together. I have a King, a Father who sees all of me and knows how to take me from here to the next glory.
Psalm 34: 18 The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent.
Psalm 51: 17 My sacrifice [the sacrifice acceptable] to God is a broken spirit; a broken and a contrite heart [broken down with sorrow for sin and humbly and thoroughly penitent], such, O God, You will not despise.
