Man, I've been going through a lot of stuff lately. It's been hard but really, really good and totally worth it! God is exposing things in me that I didn't realize was there. He is showing me that if I want to go deeper with Him, there is a lot of work to be done. I asked for His heart, His vision, His ears and man, I didn't realize the fullness of what I asked. It's okay because I know in the end, all things will be made new and I can give Him even more glory for what He has done in me and for me.
I'm learning a lot about obedience. God is showing me how important it is to obey IMMEDIATELY when He tells you to do something. I am also learning that sometimes if I don't hear from Him about something, it's more than likely because I already have the answer to the question I have. Also, unless God has given me a new word about something, no matter what, stand on that word until a new word is given, IF it is given.
What is interesting to me is that He wants to choose EVERYTHING for me...where I live and work, how I raise my girls, and even my friends. The friends thing was a little interesting for me. He is showing me more and more that He is the only true friend a person has and that He is the only One who will never leave me or forsake me. It's amazing: He wants every single thing in my life. I know to some people that may sound really crazy and kind of controlling but truth be told, who better to choose my friends than the One who sees the thoughts and intents of every heart? It's just amazing how deep His love goes. Needless to say, there has been some anger to work through and definately some tears shed in coming to the realization that everyone who calls themselves my friends really aren't.
I think the reason why this was so hard is because I didn't know that I could be hurt by a Christian friend as much as a non-Christian friend. I know that may sound a little wierd but I guess I thought someone who followed God wouldn't be able to hurt me as much. Well, that wasn't true. That was my fault for thinking that though. I have to remember people still aren't perfect....they just serve a God who is. They are just like me changing from glory to glory, waiting for the day they are perfected in Christ. God is definately killing off some wrong mindsets I had. I am totally thankful for it. I am learning to flow more and more in mercy and grace the way I should. He is also teaching me how to be a better friend out of all this. The friends I do have are totally amazing and I am so blessed they are in my life. They have seen me in the rawest form....and are still around. That means a lot to me.
I am just thankful that God is continually working in me all of the things I should have and working out of me all the things I shouldn't have. It's not always easy going through this stuff but HE IS SO WORTHY TO HAVE ALL OF ME. Every single solitary part. Even the things I think I need, He can have them too if it means I get to bring Him more glory in the end.
